1. |
Premonitions
05:07
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As the constellations separated; the moonlight dimmed and dulled
All along, I was afraid of losing you the most
With the stars in my eyes, I was an oracle
I could see the constellations form in the sky like clockwork
Imagery of misery; beautiful destruction
And I passed it all off as a bad dream - unconscious corruption
And then it came like lightning - a flash of blinding revelation
The night you lost your life to match my nervous prediction
I knew before a single word ever let me know that it was time to let you go
Didn't have a choice - didn't have a voice
Drowned out by the noise of the faucet running
But I remember all those years ago when we would lay beneath the sky
And you would always point to the moon
Telling me how you thought it was a big balloon and that we should just deflate it
Watch it cascade - watch it float down - wither and fade like the petals in your rose garden
Telling me the most beautiful things never last long
And you were never wrong
I watched your tormented eyes lose focus too easily
I hate myself because I never realised just how much you needed me
Could I have made a difference?
Could I have changed the outcome for you?
I treat my hands like there's blood on them
And like there's nothing I can do
I knew before a single word ever let me know that it was time to let you go
Didn't have a choice - didn't have a voice
Drowned out by the noise of the faucet running
I knew before I had even picked up the phone that you had just died alone
All those years of smiles, insincere
You never wanted to be here
As the constellations separated; the moonlight dimmed and dulled
All along, I was afraid of losing you the most
I knew before a single word ever let me know that it was time to let you go
Didn't have a choice - didn't have a voice
Drowned out by the noise of the faucet running
I knew before I had even picked up the phone that you had just died alone
All those years of smiles, insincere
You never wanted to be here
Didn't have a choice but to feel you disappear
Didn't have a voice that you could ever hear
Didn't have a choice but to feel you disappear
Didn't have a voice - I never had a voice
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2. |
Nyctophobia
03:37
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Patience is crucial in this place
Hide and seek from an unkind face
In the corner of a room seemingly empty
Hidden behind the door with every intention to stop breathing
If it means that I won't be found
I've always been scared of the dark but it's all that I look for now
Just so I will stay safe from sharpened teeth
Ripping up my scarred skin just to watch me bleed
I never really feel secure - I don't want to be scared anymore
I was always terrified of the darkness but I found something worse to fear
Just 'cause living in the shadows is not what I wanted
Doesn't mean I don't belong here
I am hidden - I am safe from the rage of a drug-fucked runaway
Maybe I am just a paranoid kid but I never liked playing the victim
I witnessed excuses pour out of my mouth
Only speak to evil if it can't see you
And if I ever needed to push it out, I'd just leave it a dial tone to talk to
Just so I will stay safe from sharpened teeth
Ripping up my scarred skin just to watch me bleed
I don't want to be scared anymore
I was always terrified of the darkness but I found something worse to fear
Just 'cause living in the shadows is not what I wanted
Doesn't mean I don't belong here
Easy to breathe in relief when I hear the front door slam shut
Heart-stopping disbelief to know I'd survived another hunt
You can't make me do anything that you want
I was always terrified...
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3. |
Blue Grave
03:38
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Bury your child, now, in a resting place
You found him there; lifeless, afloat
A blue grave to claim a most innocent soul
A tragedy - your family torn
It was only six years ago he was born
Sorrow and anguish don't fill the void
The wreckage of a smile that day destroyed
Pick out a coffin for your baby now
The one that drowned, there, in his blue grave
Heart-attack - cut to black
You pray for a way that you can go back
Bury your child, now, in a resting place
Hoping that somehow - that someday - you'll get to see his face
Once again, smiling at you; the way that he did - the way that you were used to
Bury your child, now, and return to a house you can't bear to live in
There's so much heartache and grief in these walls
You remember the day he first learnt to talk
The way that he smiled when he started to walk
As your tears flood your flashbacks of it all
The first day of school - the Christmases
The way he drew pictures of you and him
They're all still right up there on the fridge
How could any of this have happened?
Do you blame yourself for what you lost and that his life didn't last?
In the blink of an eye: the ultimate cost
But to the future we're blind, and we can't change the past
Bury your child in a resting place
Bury your child, now, in a resting place
Hoping that somehow - that someday - you'll get to see his face
Once again, smiling at you; the way that he did - the way that you were used to
Bury your child, now, and return to a house you can't bear to live in
Bear to live in
Bear to live in
Heart-attack - cut to black
You pray for a way
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4. |
All We Leave Is Ashes
04:08
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All we leave is ashes
I am barely breathing
In a conscious state, I lie awake in grieving
Can you keep me believing that it wasn't a waste of both of our days?
Repeating the same mistakes again and again
I watched your soul leave your body countless times
I tended to your every wound and wiped your eyes
You were a mosaic of shattered, stainless glass
So bright and beautiful but damaged by your past
I saw the light in your eyes - the music in your heart
Tried to piece you back together when the world tore you apart
But we were never meant for the distance
Far to caught up in the fragile moments
We set ourselves alight
Self-destructive love
A heartbreak, undenied
All we leave is ashes
Fallen to the endless fight
I couldn't keep you safe
You were never on my side
All we leave is ashes
All we leave is ashes
I am barely breathing
I remember the day that you turned away in leaving
I guess that even promises aren't worth keeping
If there's just no way that things can remain
The way we hoped they would - for good - from change
We set ourselves alight
Self-destructive love
A heartbreak, undenied
All we leave is ashes
Fallen to the endless fight
I couldn't keep you safe
You were never on my side
All we leave is ashes
And don't tell me it's okay because we both know better
I hoped for the best but we're no good for each other
And don't tell me it's okay because we both know better
I hoped for the best but we're no good for each other
We set ourselves alight
Self-destructive love
A heartbreak, undenied
(All we leave is ashes)
Lost to the darkest night
Forcing our fears and doubts to collide
All we leave is ashes
No matter how hard we tried
These burning flames always seemed to rise
All we leave is ashes
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5. |
Numb
03:10
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I don't want to feel numb
Castaway dreams; I exiled every thought of you
In my misery - in my grief-stricken fortitude
Shelled - exhausted - and I'm still haunted
By every single word that I never got a chance to say to you
Numb - I don't want to feel numb
What have I become?
Please set me free from this heart-wrenching agony
Numb - I'm frozen inside; I'm numb
You were so fucking young
Please set me free from this heart-wrenching agony
You are a ghost now - I created you
To teach me things and to pull me through
A memory I will never let die
I fucking hope there's an afterlife
I will not ever forget, but I still hold my regrets
I will not ever forget you
Why would I ever want to?
In the silence - in the dead of night
I feel your presence
Is this just in my mind?
Hoping to myself that somehow you are fine
I fucking hope there's an afterlife
Numb - I don't want to feel numb
What have I become?
Please set me free from this heart-wrenching agony
Numb - I'm frozen inside; I'm numb
You were so fucking young
Please set me free from this heart-wrenching agony
Numb
Numb
Numb
You will live on in my memory
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6. |
Easier Said Than Done
04:00
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You couldn't tell how difficult it was to let it fall apart
I meant what I said and I meant it from the start
It's just a nightmare - a crazy love affair
With emotions and a heartbreak that was never meant to be there
Now few days remain and when they come they bring you pain (they bring you pain)
It wasn't easy to hurt or deceive, and now I'm down on my knees
Just begging, 'won't you forgive me?' I fucked it up and I made you plead
When you were never in the wrong; just needed me for too long
When all you were really chasing was a stupid boy that was nothing but wrong
Now few days remain and when they come they bring you pain
The burning sun, it rages on, and we can't bring back what we lost
Unforgivable is that you trusted me - you're unforgivable (You're unforgivable)
Unforgivable is what you meant to me - I'm unforgivable (I'm unforgivable)
Unforgivable is that you trusted me - you're unforgivable (You're unforgivable)
Unforgivable is what you meant to me - we're unforgivable
Time to move on - time to forget about it
I've broken it: all the promises
So just move on, you'll be better off without me
Just consider it history
Now few days remain (now few days remain)
And when they come they bring you pain
The burning sun, it rages on (the burning sun rages on)
And we can't bring back what we lost
Now few days remain but when they come they bring you pain
The burning sun, it rages on, but we can't bring back what we lost
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7. |
Bruises
03:45
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You're covered in bruises from head to toe
He has a million excuses as to why you shouldn't go
No need to go through this now that you know
He's gonna do it again - and again - because you forgive him, so
He'll do it again; you know he will
He's not your friend - he's not your love
He'll do it again; he'll cut you down
Bruises on your skin you cover up
Doesn't that say enough?
Doesn't that say enough?
You're covered in tear stains from crying through the night
Every time he raises his voice or you get into a fight
And you know it's coming - you know he acts before he thinks
You gotta get up now - get off this ship before it sinks (you)
He'll do it again; you know he will
He's not your friend - he's not your love
He'll do it again; he'll cut you down
Bruises on your skin you cover up
Doesn't that say enough?
Doesn't that say enough?
Doesn't it? Doesn't it? Doesn't it?
You wasted so much time trying to make him better - trying to find a light
You wasted so much time
You're wasting your life in a toxic sea with no land in sight
And you're gonna drown if you don't fly
You're covered in bruises from head to toe
He has a million excuses as to why you shouldn't go
He'll do it again; you know he will
He's not your friend - he's not your love
He'll do it again; he'll cut you down
Bruises on your skin you cover up
He'll do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again
He'll do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again
Pack your bags - get the fuck out of that place
You shouldn't have to wear those black eyes on your face
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8. |
Suicide Notes
04:38
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I do this all the time; I'm used to the pain
These scars of mine will always remain
I never questioned why I felt this way
Always accepted that I was not okay
Through blurry eyes I watch my hands draw blood from my flesh once again
But I've never gone this deep before and as I try to get up off the floor
I feel weak at the knees, and light in the head
And I think, 'fuck, this was an accident'
I call for help, but I am here all alone
It will be hours before you'll be home
I lose perception of my surroundings
Slowly but surely, I start to feel drowsy
I've lost too much blood - I can't find my phone
I feel so scared, and confused, and lost, and alone
I didn't even get a chance to properly say goodbye
Half-written suicide notes dating back to last July
And I can't help but imagine the look in your eyes
And in your grief, you blame yourself and even try to apologise
What the fuck was I thinking dancing with death?
It hasn't been easy living like this
But did I really want for it to end this way?
Fade into nothingness and leave my corpse on display for the ones that I love to discover?
I used to think that it didn't even matter
But the only thing that comes from death is broken hearts
You're gonna find my suicide notes
The ones I wished I never wrote
The ones that say: I can't go on
The ones that are all ripped and torn (ripped and torn)
You're gonna find my suicide notes
The ones I never even completed
I used to feel so fucking defeated
But now I'll never feel another thing at all
"I guess I've always been better at writing my feelings down
As opposed to speaking them - especially when the words that come out just feel like razor
Blades on my tongue
I'm trapped in this aching state of paralysis
Because I don't want to be here anymore
I just won't let myself act on it
I'm so full of fear, which only makes me feel like I'm this huge burden
And not just on myself, but on my loved ones
Especially when they actually acknowledge that I am fucked up
And they go out of their way to try and help me
But nothing they do ever makes me feel any better"
"Medication's just a cover up
And I can only distract myself for so long
Before I find myself spiralling back down into this fucking mess of a mind
Full of so much confusion, and a million mixed messages
And I guess it's just unfortunate that the voice
That stands out most is the one that says 'just kill yourself'
So if this means that I'm weak, or I'm selfish, or I gave up, then fine
I won't argue with that
But I'm tired of my eyes stinging - and my head aching
And my nightmares being nothing compared to the state of mind
I find myself trapped in day after day - night after night
And I would come kiss you goodbye but I know you'll change my mind"
"I'm sorry..."
I'll be a memory - I'll be a headstone
Please forgive me; I just really want you to know
I love you so much and I am so sorry
I didn't tell you enough when you could hear me
But I cannot regret what I have done
Because you can't feel a thing when you are gone
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9. |
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10. |
The Great Inevitable
03:50
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I can't change my future
My mind is breaking with every thought of the end
My anxiety, it takes over me, as I choke on my very fear
I don't want to become nothingness - I want to stay right here
One day I will be nothing to anyone (but a memory)
One day I will lose consciousness and all feeling
All the times I've spent with the ones I love
I won't even have a choice to remember
One day I will be nothing to anyone
My head is aching and I just can't comprehend
Why this insanity - like calamity - seems to be my only friend
My chest clenches and my head caves in (and my head caves in)
With screaming voices I can't do a thing about (they won't leave me alone)
One day I will be nothing to anyone (but a memory)
One day I will lose consciousness and all feeling
All the times I've spent with the ones I love
I won't even have a choice to remember
One day I will be nothing to anyone
With no escape and not much hope - nothing except time
All I can do is wait until mine
With no escape and not much hope - nothing except time
All I can do is wait until mine
One day I will be nothing to anyone (but a memory) but a memory...
One day I will lose consciousness and all feeling
All the times I've spent with the ones I love
I won't even have a choice to remember
One day I will be nothing to anyone
I can't change my future
I can't change my future
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